Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
