Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
