More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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