I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
