just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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