Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
cat food counts as protein by the way
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
