i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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