I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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