I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
