nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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