it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize