i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
