You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
