im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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