It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I party with great urgency now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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