Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize