I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
