For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
