My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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