So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
