I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize