There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
