seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
