Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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