Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
