im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
