Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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