Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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