Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
