i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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