I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
