Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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