Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
