don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
