she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
