There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
