I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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