if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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