Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
