That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
