By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
