what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
