What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
