I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
