Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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