You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You can't just leave with hair like that
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
