my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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