The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
