VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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