Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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