just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
