i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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