very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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