I heard we made out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
