***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
