I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
