I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
