yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
