She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dick very happy bro
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
