how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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