As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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