I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
