the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
