i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
