I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
