i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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